is it right to let go of people who have let go of you? or is it better to stick it through to show that you care? ...that you'll always be there. ...that you won't change. ...that you're there till the end. ...through the thick and the thin.
I guess that sometimes you have to let things go. ...but should it be a person, or your problems?
The anger inside of me rages hotter than any other emotion. With the feeling of abandonment as the fuel.
It's the feeling of being abandoned by the people I care most about, yet smothered by others so much that it makes me want to be sick. I want to get out and be alone because I feel alone, but there isn't anywhere to go.
I know that there are people that love me. People who want to listen and help me with my troubles, but I don't want to talk to them. I want to talk to the source of my anger, this bitterness. I want to confide in God. I want things to be the way that they are/were supposed to be.
Life is dry.
I let you in. I let you in so deep that I can't let go of you. You made me face my my biggest fear. You've shown me what I hate most. You revealed the feelings that I hated so much; I had forgotten about them until you came along.
Did you ever really care about me? Or have you always been fake? Honestly, who are you? If you truly cared about me as much as you had said, how could you let me go? How could you let things become the way they are?
Empty words fill your mouth like bullets in a loaded gun. You're locked and loaded aiming to hurt someone Targeting the heart, going straight for the kill.
You're unhealthy yet, I can't let go of you I can't let go trust me, I've tried I've tried time and time again I tried digging you out of my heart but the feeling of abandonment has strapped you down
We will all go through times when we may feel distant from God.
Although we fail to realize it, most of the time it's because He is testing us. He wants to see what lengths we will go through to find Him. How badly we want Him. Jeremiah 29:13 "you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart."
are we wholeheartedly seeking God? ...or do we give up once we realize that our FAITH isn't just "a walk in the park"? ...or are we getting too comfortable with our complacency?
We need to realize that God works EVERYTHING to our good. No matter what we are going through now, we are called to be overcomers. BE AN OVERCOMER. Once we have overcome our battles, we are able to look back and see what we had gone through... and how our faith had helped us to conquer them. Once we are past them, we realize that what we thought was God distancing himself from us; we see how He actually helped us get through them. We all face trials; and how we deal with them- when it gets tough, truly determines who we are (but that's a different topic.) How badly do we want to fight the good fight and finish the race?
We all go through things, and face it... it keeps us humble.
We need to remember to look to God in our trials. He's the one with the ultimate plan for our lives. He sees what we go through, and is with us every step of the way. 2 Cor 3:4 " Peace be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." God comforts us in our troubles so we can comfort others in theirs. You can't take someone somewhere you've never been.
There is hope. There is always a silver lining. Things do get better.
You're going to make it through this. Just keep holding on. Believe it or not, it's worth it.
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the Good of those who love Him. Who have been called according to His purpose."
well ol friend, its been over a month since I've blogged online. I have journaled though. I just don't know what I should be posting online yet as far as blogging goes. Because you see, I see myself as a role-model in my faith online. And quite frankly these past few months have been hard. I don't want to be emo and all down with my ...erm...bloggings?
so yes, I don't want to be down and make other people sad/wonder about me. I wish to be encouraging... yes. ... but erm it is nice to see that other people struggle too I suppose. ugh ugh ugh.
but also, I don't want to let the public completely into my life. bugger.
It's not like I do it on purpose, it's just that life gets ahead of me. I don't forget about Him, I just need to realize when I put something before Him. Its almost like making my own idol. =[
These idols can change, they can go from: people, to objects, to even thoughts. Out of these, I find that most often it's people that I end up placing first in my life.
I find sometimes that I have to remind myself that it's all about God.
It's not about this person, it's about God.
It's not about this thing, it's all about God.
It's not about me.... IT'S ALL ABOUT GOD
Lord, please help me to see and understand when I do this before it becomes an issue.
i⋅dol [ahyd-l] –noun
1.an image or other material object representing a deity to which religious worship is addressed.
2.Bible.
....a.an image of a deity other than God.
....b.the deity itself.
3.any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion
4.a mere image or semblance of something, visible but without substance, as a phantom.
I'll know things, and I might understand them at the moment, but when it comes down to it a lot doesn't sink in. It's like things don't affect me personally until I've lived through them. And even then some things are still hard for me to fully understand. I find it hard to sympathize or empathize even if I can relate.
A lot of the time... I'll know the right answer, the right thing to do, but because things don't exactly connect I do something wrong.
But having things not connect is like this: knowing the lyrics to a song and able to sing a long... and finally one day it will just click what the one very important verse is about. and the song takes a completely different meaning to you.
Lord give me understanding. Teach me what will help me understand. pa-lease
<3
ANYHOW-- I've been studying about words today... here's my notes.
Word(s)- 962 times in NIV
Prophets speak words to bring prophecy into existence- a lot of the time the prophecy they speak about has to do with things that seem outlandish. Like they would never happen
Gift of healing speaks words to call out disease and sickness
Tongues gift of an audible language direct connection to God
God SPOKE the earth into existence
God’s word in your mouth is just as powerful as God’s word in God’s mouth
WORDS CAN BE POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE:
Words command things to happen or not to happen
Words console the hurt
Words encourage
Words bring good & bad news
Words profess what the heart feels
…
Words hurt the hurt
Words discourage
Words linger
Reap what you sow
Think before speaking
Listen before talking
WORDS ARE ENCOURAGING
2 Chronicles 15:8When Asa heard these words and the prophecy of Azariah son of Oded the prophet, he took courage…
Job4:4Your (Job’s) words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees.
Eph.4:29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
THE TONGUE IS EVIL
James 3: 5-6 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
Proverbs 18 From the fruit of his mouth a man's stomach is filled; with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied. 21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
YOUR TONGUE BRINGS JUDGMENT
Job15 2-6 "Would a wise man answer with empty notions or fill his belly with the hot east wind? 3 Would he argue with useless words, with speeches that have no value?4 But you even undermine piety and hinder devotion to God.5Your sin prompts your mouth; you adopt the tongue of the crafty.6 Your own mouth condemns you, not mine; your own lips testify against you.
Matt.12:34-37 34You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every carelessword they have spoken. 37For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
7/21/09
The complete reality of it all is this:
Things happen.
Although we might not always agree with it.
Things are always going to happen.
so roll with the punches, take every second as it is.
check yourself.
.... check your motives
.... check your actions
.... check your prerogatives
.... check everything!
seriously.
one selfish move while you're in the moment can destroy so much in the long run.
and face it, there is no turning back time.
eventually, things will iron out. Time... everything takes time to heal.
... relationships, feelings, pride, trust... They're gonna take time to heal, just like a flesh wound. you can't expect to get up and run with a broken leg.
But we all make mistakes. God puts us through these things for a reason; so we can learn. So we can come out of them knowing what to do the next time. And finally, so we can teach and share with our experience.
But boy does it suck when you're going through it. 0.o
I have a lot on my mind right now. And yes, yes I am venting to a computer. Why? well to tell you the truth, it's because I don't really have anyone else to vent to. That and nobody knows about this blogger yet anyhow.
Of course I vent to God tho. But there is just something about seeing what's on my mind all written out. Writing helps me understand and put logic to what I'm feeling or thinking.
Anyhow, I've screwed some stuff up... pretty badly. (oh how I wish to go back in time.)
I just don't understand this season of my life. I've seen things in me that are so ugly and disgusting, that I didn't realize I had. I'm finding all my flaws... which is a good thing don't get me wrong! Now I can work on them. Seeing them has placed me on a path to make myself a better person.
But why this season?! Why this season in my life?
Only God knows...
So I put my faith in Him.
He'll work it out. He's doing this for a reason.
Despite what I think now, in the future I will be able to look back on this and know what He has brought me through.
Psalms 42:5-6ish
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and 6 my God...."
Well as long as there are things on my mind, I'll keep it flowing.
Normally I'll pick up one of my old notebooks and just go with the flow of what I've been thinking about.
I'm starting to blog online now because I feel like I need to be deeper as a person. I mean, I can be deep when its me and my notebook. Or every once and a while when I'm with a close friend... but I've come to a realization that in person I can be rather shallow.
I'm not shallow! I'm really not!
I just struggle with opening up to people, especially the people whom I like most. I fear their judgment of me as a person... a lot of the time, I'll try to open up to them, but my mind will do this thing where it just goes blank. I don't know what it is. I'll try to open up and talk about things, but my mind goes and completely zones out. Yeah I know it sounds stupid, but I'll honestly try super hard to keep a conversation, or find things to say, but NOPE. I hate it. That's not who I am! It's ruing friendships.
I think, I think too much
ANYHOW! welcome to my blogger. Whether you're a friend who I've told about this, or just a random person who has stumbled upon this page. Hi.
I'm simply a girl, with complex thoughts, and hidden emotions.
The person who I thought I was, has been shoved into a small crevasse in the back of my mind. It’s humbling. I’m realizing that I have a lot of being human inside of me. I just want my spirit to take control.
There is so much I need to work on.
James 3:5-6
5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
Ephesians 5:1-21
1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;2and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. 3But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; 4and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. 5For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.7Therefore do not be partakers with them; 8for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light9for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth, 10trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.11Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; 12for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.13But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.14For this reason it says, Awake, sleeper, And arise from the dead, And Christ will shine on you. 15Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16making the most of your time, because the days are evil.17So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.18And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, 19speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; 20always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;21and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
